Beauty and the Beast (Erin: 4.5 Stars, Bret: 4 Stars)

Now that Bret’s Josh Lucas tantrum is over, Erin needs to get something off her chest:

“Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, can someone please explain to me why the Beast gets no respect in Hollywood?

$20 to anyone who can tell me what that expression in the bottom photo represents.

Look at him. Seriously, does he not look like he should be a star? Even the hairier version looks like a serious ladies man. And gaze into those piercing blue eyes and that slightly bizarre look of the post-transformation beast — magnificent.

Bret pouts for Josh Lucas, but the Beast’s IMDB page is even worse. Sure he gets called on for the occasional Beauty and the Beast direct-to-video sequel, but other than that? Zilch.

Clearly he has been blacklisted by the Hollywood elite. Probably because he is illiterate, despite having the largest library in Disney history stashed in his very own castle.

Or maybe it’s because he was originally an unholy hybrid of seven different animals? So he’s a Wild Buffrilla Lionbearwolf with human eyes. Who cares? He’s still better looking than James Franco.

“It’s good, sure, but with a little more wolf it could be great.”

Look, whatever the reason, let’s pledge to help the Beast realize his potential, because if we don’t, Gaston wins.”

The film itself nets an almost impossibly high 4.5 Stars from Erin, who doles out Stars like she is on a budget. Bret gives it 4 Stars.

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One thought on “Beauty and the Beast (Erin: 4.5 Stars, Bret: 4 Stars)

  1. Ian Satter says:

    What you fail to realize is that Belle suffers from Stockholm Syndrome and Gaston is actually the hero of the film. Held against her will until she falls in love with her captor? C’mon man.

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