Tag Archives: Animation

Beauty and the Beast (Erin: 4.5 Stars, Bret: 4 Stars)

Now that Bret’s Josh Lucas tantrum is over, Erin needs to get something off her chest:

“Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, can someone please explain to me why the Beast gets no respect in Hollywood?

$20 to anyone who can tell me what that expression in the bottom photo represents.

Look at him. Seriously, does he not look like he should be a star? Even the hairier version looks like a serious ladies man. And gaze into those piercing blue eyes and that slightly bizarre look of the post-transformation beast — magnificent.

Bret pouts for Josh Lucas, but the Beast’s IMDB page is even worse. Sure he gets called on for the occasional Beauty and the Beast direct-to-video sequel, but other than that? Zilch.

Clearly he has been blacklisted by the Hollywood elite. Probably because he is illiterate, despite having the largest library in Disney history stashed in his very own castle.

Or maybe it’s because he was originally an unholy hybrid of seven different animals? So he’s a Wild Buffrilla Lionbearwolf with human eyes. Who cares? He’s still better looking than James Franco.

“It’s good, sure, but with a little more wolf it could be great.”

Look, whatever the reason, let’s pledge to help the Beast realize his potential, because if we don’t, Gaston wins.”

The film itself nets an almost impossibly high 4.5 Stars from Erin, who doles out Stars like she is on a budget. Bret gives it 4 Stars.

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Aladdin (Erin: 4 Stars, Bret: 4 Stars)

If we had three wishes, the first would be for untold wealth (sorry, World Peace); the second would be Robin Williams’ freedom from any and all magic lamps; and the third would be for you to enjoy this review.

Part concert, part movie review, all it took was Aladdin to bring out Erin’s inner Disney Princess. Not unlike a small child, actually.

Besides, who wouldn’t love a children’s movie with seductive lyrics like “don’t you dare close your eyes” and “hold your breath it gets better”?

Four stars from both Bret and Erin.

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