Tag Archives: Bret 3 Stars

The Cutting Edge (Erin: 5 Stars, Bret: 3 Stars)

Your lesson for today:

Credibility

Let the RockMovieProject use it in a sentence for you: “Erin lost all credibility when she gave The Cutting Edge a five-star review.”

NOOO00

Bret’s reaction to a five-star Cutting Edge review.

Setting aside the very real possibility that she needs a CAT scan, the real question becomes which Erin Rock score is more egregious: five stars for The Cutting Edge or four stars for Center Stage?

Let’s go to the breakdown:

TheCuttingEdge

A clean sweep for The Cutting Edge makes sense, it’s a far superior film, but a five-star review (Erin’s other five-star reviews: Apollo 13, Christmas Vacation and Braveheart) is just too much.

VERDICT: Giving The Cutting Edge five stars is the more egregious score of the two. We award you no points and may God have mercy on your soul.

Bret gives The Cutting Edge a more sensible three-star review and we introduce the newest member of the RockMovieProject, Miss Evelyn Marie Rock!

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Crazy, Stupid, Love (Erin: 3.5 Stars, Bret: 3 Stars)

To the best of Bret’s knowledge, the whole plot of Crazy, Stupid, Love is predicated on Julianne Moore cheating on Steve Carell with Kevin Bacon, then divorcing Carell, who, with the help of Ryan Gosling, beds multiple women, all the while pining for Julianne Moore. And somewhere in all of that, Ryan Gosling takes his shirt off, assuring female movie-goers will ignore the lunacy in the previous sentence, thus making this film an ungodly amount of money.

Problem solved!

In all seriousness, it’s a relatively fun and inoffensive romantic comedy/drama that has a few legitimate laugh-out-loud moments. Carell and Gosling do most of the heavy lifting, but, in the end, it’s a reasonably enjoyable film.

Provided you can get by Julianne Moore’s performance, that is.

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Blue Chips (Erin: 1 Star, Bret: 3 Stars)

If he was in it, you would have noticed.

Absolutely one of the most contentious reviews thus far for the RockMovieProject.

Among the cavalcade of issues Erin had with the movie were the plot, the acting, the basketball scenes and, perhaps most importantly, Gary Busey’s performance.

What’s that, you say? Gary Busey’s performance? Was Gary Busey in Blue Chips?

That’s right, boys and girls, we discovered later that week that Erin thought Gary Busey, not Nick Nolte, played coach Pete Bell, which in Bret’s opinion, invalidates everything about her review.

While we patiently await a lawsuit from Nick Nolte for confusing him with Busey, let’s play another round of America’s new favorite game show: Things Erin Thinks Are Gary Busey!

In the end, we’ll go ahead and count Erin’s review as being a legit 1 Star (Bret gave it a 3 Star review), but please know a formal complaint has been lodged.

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Blades of Glory (Erin: 2.75 Stars, Bret: 3 Stars)

Don’t ask us how, but we managed to get our hands on a copy of a DreamWorks internal memo that details the pre-production process of Blades of Glory:

Hard to believe that it’s that easy to make a $100-plus million box-office film.

The film is like bizarro wine, in that it gets worse with age, but there are still some funny moments. Plus: Craig T. Nelson.

Erin gives it 2.75 Stars while Bret gives 3 T. Nelson Stars.

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Beverly Hills Cop 2 (Erin: 2.5 Stars, Bret: 3 Stars)

Beverly Hills Cop 2: Judgier and Reinholdier!

What is there to say about Beverly Hills Cop 2 that hasn’t already been said about Beverly Hills Cop? Not much, as it turns out.

Ummm… Judge Reinhold seems to get more screen time. Oh, plus they added the guy that used to be the Geico Duck.

The plot was better in this one than in the first one, but Sherlock Erin was able to find the plot holes in Beverly Hills Cop 2, if you can believe it. No plot holes escape her laser-like focus. Unless we’re watching Twilight.

Erin gives it 2.5 Stars, Bret gives it 3, but with the “It Makes Me Laugh” stamp of approval.

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Atonement (Erin: 3.25 Stars, Bret: 3 Stars)

FINALLY, a movie about the perils of letter writing.

If Atonement were re-made in a contemporary setting, it would be a Facebook post and no one would have thought twice about it, but before the ink had even dried on poor James McAvoy’s letter, he was doomed.

When they no longer teach handwriting in elementary school, we can all point this movie as the reason why.

The story of one man’s quest to stop letter delivery gets a 3.25 Star review from Erin and 3 Stars from Bret.

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Any Given Sunday (Erin: 1.5 Stars, Bret: 3 Stars)

Allow us to save you one hour and fifty minutes by posting just the Al Pacino speech at the end, which gets 10 Stars from Bret (NSFW language):

Any Given Sunday, a good film in theory, but a poor one in execution, gets 1.5 Stars from Erin and 3 Stars from Bret.

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Analyze This (Erin: 2.75 Stars, Bret: 3 Stars)

So far, the only movie whose title made demands of us.

In Analyze This, Billy Crystal does Billy Crystal things, Robert DeNiro does Robert DeNiro things and the credits roll.

Reflecting on it, Bret regrets giving it 3 Stars (same as Almost Heroes), but stick around as Erin violates the sanctity of the project by introducing .25 Stars.

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Almost Heroes (Erin: 1 Star, Bret: 3 Stars)

Picture, if you will, combining the slapstick, physical humor of Chris Farley with the dry wit of a young-ish Matthew Perry. Who among us would not drink from that sweet nectar? Pour that over a funny premise (the “other” group that tried to make it all the way to the Pacific ocean and beat Lewis and Clark) and tell us who would refuse those bold flavors.

Well, Erin, for one.

Call it the review that almost ended a marriage. On the bright side, Erin only metaphorically danced on the grave of Chris Farley with a 1 Star review for Almost Heroes. Three Stars from Bret.

Try this quote on for size:

Pratt: Permission to check on the condition of my woman, sir? I wanna check on her bandages and see if she can keep some food down.
Edwards: You are aware, of course, that this woman of yours is made of straw?
Pratt: Oh, yes, sir. Figure that’s why she burned so easy.

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Air Force One (Erin: 2.5 Stars, Bret: 3 Stars)

Loosely based on a true story — in that the President has a plane and that plane is called Air Force One — Air Force One is our next film. Erin nitpicked the film to the point that we had to formally apologize to Harrison Ford. Three Stars from Bret, 2.5 Stars from Erin.

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