Tag Archives: Disney

Cool Runnings (Erin: 3.5 Stars, Bret: 4 Stars)

We all have our differences. Be it race or religion, political views or economic stature, or whether or not we think Hilary Swank is attractive, we are different people.

GAHHH!… don’t look directly at her!

Despite those differences, we can all agree that the movie Cool Runnings is an incredibly inspirational film.

That it is based on a true story makes it all the more inspirational.

Wait, what? All the characters in the film were fictional?

Well, still, the premise of the story is what matters. The idea of three, world-class Jamaican sprinters  and their wise-cracking, egg-kissing friend falling just short of making the Olympics, only to turn to a sport to a winter sport in an effort to achieve their dreams is incredibly moving.

Huh? None of the bobsledders in real life were Jamaican sprinters, but were recruited from the military instead?

….. So what! It says based on a true story. It’s not a documentary! Besides, even if they weren’t sprinters, they still faced such a dramatic uphill climb to reach their goals. They had no money, they practiced in a push cart and they got to Calgary on what appears to be the day before the Olympics started! It’s amazing that they were able to overcome all of that!

Come again? They were funded by two Americans with a ton of money and arrived in Calgary to practice with a real bobsled on a real bobsled track months before eventually heading to Austria to compete in a few minor events to get their bearings and returning for the Olympics?

Yeah, and I bet there weren’t any real montages either, jerk.

Who cares! You are just like that creepy East German guy and everyone else, hating on the poor Jamaicans!

Oh, come on! No one hated them?! The bobsled community loved the fact that the Jamaicans were trying to qualify? They were graciously welcomed and were even given a sled by a competing team in order to help them qualify?

Ugh. Okay, so based on a true story just means that there used to not be a Jamaican bobsled team and now there is. It doesn’t dampen our enthusiasm for the movie and it certainly doesn’t lessen the moral of the story. It does, however, lessen the value of the phrase “based on a true story.”

Advertisements
Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Beauty and the Beast (Erin: 4.5 Stars, Bret: 4 Stars)

Now that Bret’s Josh Lucas tantrum is over, Erin needs to get something off her chest:

“Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, can someone please explain to me why the Beast gets no respect in Hollywood?

$20 to anyone who can tell me what that expression in the bottom photo represents.

Look at him. Seriously, does he not look like he should be a star? Even the hairier version looks like a serious ladies man. And gaze into those piercing blue eyes and that slightly bizarre look of the post-transformation beast — magnificent.

Bret pouts for Josh Lucas, but the Beast’s IMDB page is even worse. Sure he gets called on for the occasional Beauty and the Beast direct-to-video sequel, but other than that? Zilch.

Clearly he has been blacklisted by the Hollywood elite. Probably because he is illiterate, despite having the largest library in Disney history stashed in his very own castle.

Or maybe it’s because he was originally an unholy hybrid of seven different animals? So he’s a Wild Buffrilla Lionbearwolf with human eyes. Who cares? He’s still better looking than James Franco.

“It’s good, sure, but with a little more wolf it could be great.”

Look, whatever the reason, let’s pledge to help the Beast realize his potential, because if we don’t, Gaston wins.”

The film itself nets an almost impossibly high 4.5 Stars from Erin, who doles out Stars like she is on a budget. Bret gives it 4 Stars.

Tagged , , , , , , , ,

Aladdin (Erin: 4 Stars, Bret: 4 Stars)

If we had three wishes, the first would be for untold wealth (sorry, World Peace); the second would be Robin Williams’ freedom from any and all magic lamps; and the third would be for you to enjoy this review.

Part concert, part movie review, all it took was Aladdin to bring out Erin’s inner Disney Princess. Not unlike a small child, actually.

Besides, who wouldn’t love a children’s movie with seductive lyrics like “don’t you dare close your eyes” and “hold your breath it gets better”?

Four stars from both Bret and Erin.

Tagged , , , , , , , ,
%d bloggers like this: