Tag Archives: Erin 5 Stars

The Cutting Edge (Erin: 5 Stars, Bret: 3 Stars)

Your lesson for today:

Credibility

Let the RockMovieProject use it in a sentence for you: “Erin lost all credibility when she gave The Cutting Edge a five-star review.”

NOOO00

Bret’s reaction to a five-star Cutting Edge review.

Setting aside the very real possibility that she needs a CAT scan, the real question becomes which Erin Rock score is more egregious: five stars for The Cutting Edge or four stars for Center Stage?

Let’s go to the breakdown:

TheCuttingEdge

A clean sweep for The Cutting Edge makes sense, it’s a far superior film, but a five-star review (Erin’s other five-star reviews: Apollo 13, Christmas Vacation and Braveheart) is just too much.

VERDICT: Giving The Cutting Edge five stars is the more egregious score of the two. We award you no points and may God have mercy on your soul.

Bret gives The Cutting Edge a more sensible three-star review and we introduce the newest member of the RockMovieProject, Miss Evelyn Marie Rock!

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Christmas Vacation (Erin: 5 Stars, Bret: 5 Stars, Megan: 5 Stars)

Barry Rock is not Clark Griswold.

To the best of our knowledge, he has never accidentally electrocuted a cat, locked himself in a freezing cold attic for hours at a time, nor has he ever broken a land-speed record during a sledding outing.

He has, however, nailed two trees together (the top of one and the bottom of another) to create, in his mind, the perfect tree.

Setting aside the fact that nailing two trees together to create one super-tree could be viewed as having a general regard for human excellence, this act (among other holiday misadventures) speaks to Bret’s father’s ability to get very close to being Clark W. Griswold; a huge reason why this movie resonates so much in the Rock household.

We are going to be honest with ourselves here — we are not good enough writers to explain why Christmas Vacation is so awesome.

That they do, Edward, that they do indeed.

The best we could do (aside from just re-printing the screenplay in this space) is just to say that, like some of the other comedies that have garnered high scores from the RockMovieProject, Christmas Vacation is just a slight exaggeration of how Christmas really is in a lot of homes.

In fact, how much you like Christmas Vacation is probably in direct correlation with how much you believe your father to be like Clark W. Griwold, Jr. As explained above, for Bret and his sister, special guest star Megan Rock, the differences  between Clark and their father are minimal.

From start to finish, Christmas Vacation is a fantastic film, that is equal parts hilarious and heartwarming (seriously).

We’d love to hear your favorite part of the movie or favorite quote in the comments!

Five stars from Erin, Bret and Megan for the movie that is truly the gift that keeps on giving the whole year.

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Braveheart (Erin: 5 Stars, Bret: 5 Stars, J. Alex: 5 Stars, Jesse: 5 Stars)

Fun fact: Four perfect scores from the RockMovieProject is the rough equivalent of one Oscar for Best Sound Editing.

In the year of our Lord, two-thousand and twelve, Bret and Erin Rock were joined by J. Alex Kelly and Jesse Terry to review Braveheart for the RockMovieProject. They reviewed like warrior poets; they looked like idiots and they all gave it 5 Stars.

We could bore you here by telling you that the casting is spot-on, that the story — while a bastardization of historical events — is pitch-perfect or that Mel Gibson’s direction is nearly completely devoid of anti-Semetic rhetoric.

We could regale you with our opinions about how tremendous the film’s score is; about how the film is now 17 years old and doesn’t feel even a little dated; or by explaining that there probably is no drama that is more often quoted at Rock Manor.

We could do all of those things if we hadn’t already done so in the video above. So instead, we’ll conclude by kindly asking that you watch our review and let us know in the comments how you feel about Braveheart. We love it.

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Apollo 13 (Erin: 5 Stars, Bret: 5 Stars)

Houston, we have our first 5 Star review.

Apollo 13… the movie that taught us how to fit a square peg in a round hole, rapidly; how to get a space return module to operate on less energy than it takes to run a coffee machine; how to look at Gary Sinese without thinking about how terrifying it would be to have a face-to-face conversation with him; and, of course, how to look like a total badass while wearing a feminine vest. At which Bret failed miserably (thanks, Ed Harris!)

The film is damn near pitch perfect. With the notable exception of how Bill Paxton contracted space plague, the only other question we have is “ARE WE ON VOX?!”

In all seriousness no matter how much we glowed about the film in the review, there is no chance we gave it the proper amount of credit. Gets VERY dusty at Rock Manor toward the end.

Not watching this review (or this movie) is not an option.

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