Tag Archives: Sports

The Cutting Edge (Erin: 5 Stars, Bret: 3 Stars)

Your lesson for today:

Credibility

Let the RockMovieProject use it in a sentence for you: “Erin lost all credibility when she gave The Cutting Edge a five-star review.”

NOOO00

Bret’s reaction to a five-star Cutting Edge review.

Setting aside the very real possibility that she needs a CAT scan, the real question becomes which Erin Rock score is more egregious: five stars for The Cutting Edge or four stars for Center Stage?

Let’s go to the breakdown:

TheCuttingEdge

A clean sweep for The Cutting Edge makes sense, it’s a far superior film, but a five-star review (Erin’s other five-star reviews: Apollo 13, Christmas Vacation and Braveheart) is just too much.

VERDICT: Giving The Cutting Edge five stars is the more egregious score of the two. We award you no points and may God have mercy on your soul.

Bret gives The Cutting Edge a more sensible three-star review and we introduce the newest member of the RockMovieProject, Miss Evelyn Marie Rock!

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Cool Runnings (Erin: 3.5 Stars, Bret: 4 Stars)

We all have our differences. Be it race or religion, political views or economic stature, or whether or not we think Hilary Swank is attractive, we are different people.

GAHHH!… don’t look directly at her!

Despite those differences, we can all agree that the movie Cool Runnings is an incredibly inspirational film.

That it is based on a true story makes it all the more inspirational.

Wait, what? All the characters in the film were fictional?

Well, still, the premise of the story is what matters. The idea of three, world-class Jamaican sprinters  and their wise-cracking, egg-kissing friend falling just short of making the Olympics, only to turn to a sport to a winter sport in an effort to achieve their dreams is incredibly moving.

Huh? None of the bobsledders in real life were Jamaican sprinters, but were recruited from the military instead?

….. So what! It says based on a true story. It’s not a documentary! Besides, even if they weren’t sprinters, they still faced such a dramatic uphill climb to reach their goals. They had no money, they practiced in a push cart and they got to Calgary on what appears to be the day before the Olympics started! It’s amazing that they were able to overcome all of that!

Come again? They were funded by two Americans with a ton of money and arrived in Calgary to practice with a real bobsled on a real bobsled track months before eventually heading to Austria to compete in a few minor events to get their bearings and returning for the Olympics?

Yeah, and I bet there weren’t any real montages either, jerk.

Who cares! You are just like that creepy East German guy and everyone else, hating on the poor Jamaicans!

Oh, come on! No one hated them?! The bobsled community loved the fact that the Jamaicans were trying to qualify? They were graciously welcomed and were even given a sled by a competing team in order to help them qualify?

Ugh. Okay, so based on a true story just means that there used to not be a Jamaican bobsled team and now there is. It doesn’t dampen our enthusiasm for the movie and it certainly doesn’t lessen the moral of the story. It does, however, lessen the value of the phrase “based on a true story.”

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Bull Durham (Erin: 2.5 Stars, Bret: 2.5 Stars)

Okay, so we forgot the blog post for Bull Durham. That isn’t to say that it’s an utterly forgettable movie. As far as you know.

In all honesty, it’s a movie that Bret remembers more fondly than it turned out to be.

The baseball scenes are fun (mostly because Kevin Costner is one of very few actors that actually looks like he has picked up a baseball bat in his life); the dialogue between the teammates makes you laugh from time-to-time (“I held it like an egg” “Yeah, and he scrambled the son-of-a-b*tch”); and we suppose it gives you a pretty good sense of what minor league baseball is all about (the goofy sponsor nights, the bus rides, etc.), but in the end, it’s just not that entertaining a movie and the less said about how well it holds up, the better.

We Googled “Tim Robbins, Bull Durham, Pitching,” but it just laughed at us.

HOWEVER, if you like blistering jazz saxophone solos, watching an aging-before-your-eyes Susan Sarandon pretend to be sexy or seeing Tim Robbins achieve the world’s worst pitching form, completely disregard everything we’ve said above. You will love this movie.

Two-and-a-half stars from both Erin and Bret for Bull Durham.

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Blue Chips (Erin: 1 Star, Bret: 3 Stars)

If he was in it, you would have noticed.

Absolutely one of the most contentious reviews thus far for the RockMovieProject.

Among the cavalcade of issues Erin had with the movie were the plot, the acting, the basketball scenes and, perhaps most importantly, Gary Busey’s performance.

What’s that, you say? Gary Busey’s performance? Was Gary Busey in Blue Chips?

That’s right, boys and girls, we discovered later that week that Erin thought Gary Busey, not Nick Nolte, played coach Pete Bell, which in Bret’s opinion, invalidates everything about her review.

While we patiently await a lawsuit from Nick Nolte for confusing him with Busey, let’s play another round of America’s new favorite game show: Things Erin Thinks Are Gary Busey!

In the end, we’ll go ahead and count Erin’s review as being a legit 1 Star (Bret gave it a 3 Star review), but please know a formal complaint has been lodged.

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Blades of Glory (Erin: 2.75 Stars, Bret: 3 Stars)

Don’t ask us how, but we managed to get our hands on a copy of a DreamWorks internal memo that details the pre-production process of Blades of Glory:

Hard to believe that it’s that easy to make a $100-plus million box-office film.

The film is like bizarro wine, in that it gets worse with age, but there are still some funny moments. Plus: Craig T. Nelson.

Erin gives it 2.75 Stars while Bret gives 3 T. Nelson Stars.

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Any Given Sunday (Erin: 1.5 Stars, Bret: 3 Stars)

Allow us to save you one hour and fifty minutes by posting just the Al Pacino speech at the end, which gets 10 Stars from Bret (NSFW language):

Any Given Sunday, a good film in theory, but a poor one in execution, gets 1.5 Stars from Erin and 3 Stars from Bret.

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*61 (Erin: 3 Stars, Bret: 3.5 Stars)

The first and only review so far with technical difficulties! Led to us doing two parts. Erin dug the story of 61* more than she thought she would, but was critical of the HBO production. Three stars from her and 3.5 from Bret.

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